


pigeon cum

by SoftSmile



Category: Spies In Disguise (2019)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gays cant drive, Light Angst, M/M, dumb twink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:02:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29911821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftSmile/pseuds/SoftSmile
Summary: (i promise theres no pigeon cumming its an inside joke)Walter and Killian are dating before the events of the movie, and now Walter must save the world from an evil man with a robot hand with the help of the best agent, Lance Sterling. Kinda weird his boyfriend also matches that description.
Relationships: Walter Beckett/Killian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	pigeon cum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scar134340](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scar134340/gifts).



Walter Beckett, an agent who worked and created devices to keep the world safe. That’s what he told anyone who asked what his occupation was. It was sweet and simple, yet still put him in a good light while giving correct assumptions about his job. 

That’s what he told Killian when they went on their first date. It was the first of many in the few months they had known each other, and Walter practically went weak in the knees every time Killian talked no matter how much time he spent with the older man. 

Walter always happily showed him his new inventions and things that were still in progress, and Killian always gave a soft smile and a cheeky comment about the younger man’s cute personality. No offense was taken, of course, Walter enjoyed the compliments.

At first Killian had seemed a bit hesitant to have a relationship with someone who was an ‘agent’, given his time in Kyrgyzstan, but as soon as the brunette showed off his first invention to him, packed with glitter and holographic kittens--He knew this was an agent he could trust.

They had been happily going steady for three months when Walter was twiddling away at his desk working on his inflatable hug with his amazing assistant, Unitee. A cute little stuffed unicorn that was always there by his side. However, when he was about to activate her new protective layer he was smashed into his desk with the sounds of a toilet flushing in the background to add to the emotional and physical pain.

“Oh, hey Terrance! Tonight's the season finale of Hearts in Seoul, I sent you an Invite!”

With his perky demeanor noticed by his co-worker, Terrance began to stutter and walk away.

“You just click accept in your-”

That’s how he met Lance Sterling. Who was more than upset with the young man, who verbally berated him in an elevator and fired him after he shot him with a muscle and bone modifier. Not the best way to meet, and not the best way to get removed from your job. Lying on the floor helpless as your co-workers look at you with disappointed expressions. 

It was embarrassing to say the least, but now he was home, safe with Lovey and his inventions. Well, there were always risks with everything lying around with only goggles to protect his fragile skin, but emotionally safe. 

There he was, sitting there in the so-called adorable apron that Killian had bought him to keep his clothes clean while working with the bio concealment tech. That’s what was implied, it went more like him dropping off a gift after he spent the night with a simple note of ‘Keep your clothes clean.’ Walter appreciated it either way.

The oven dinged, and finally, the tech had the reaction he wanted. Needed, really, but also really wanted. With Lovey’s feather confirming that it was functional, Walter almost broke out into a little victory hustle. Until he was startled by a certain #1 spy. He almost spilt one of the most important inventions of his career, his body falling down and his limbs getting entangled in various wires of differing sizes.

Now he was riding in a hyper intelligent car with a pigeon agent by his side as they verbally fought about which method they would use to get the other hostile agents off of them. 

“Activate weapons.”

“Oil slick!”

“Don’t listen to Walter, activate weapons!”

“Oil slick…”

“Activate weapons!”

“Oil slick.”

They began to speak over each other, the car glitching out before the screen turned off, the steering wheel locking back into it’s original position.

‘Deactivate, system shutdown. Goodbye!’ The feminine robot voice from the car spoke, and at that moment, Walter knew, he fucked up. Because now the pigeon had to drive because Walter was one of the gayest men around and he could do math. The sacrifice for his genius led to this moment, having to let a pigeon drive because he would most likely wreck the car in record time. 

It actually went quite well, despite the brunette having a full on panic attack in the passenger side. Except when they forgot when they were driving backwards.

The biggest adventure of the sorry bottom’s life had happened within a matter of minutes, and now he was cruising on a private jet with two of his favorite pigeons, one which was a friendly companion, and the other--

Well, just found out what a cloaca was. 

Lance just got angrier and angrier even when Walter tried to explain the benefits of being a pigeon. Now the pigeon man was looking to the touch screen in front of him with a brooding expression. 

“You know--Being a pigeon is actually a lot cooler than it seems.”

Before the young man could elaborate on this statement, his phone rang. A rare occurrence, but usually it was just a singular person. 

“Boy, did you bring your phone with you? When tons of agents are chasing us? You must be outta your mind.”

“Oh no, it’s okay, I made sure to make it untraceable with an implant in it’s coding, it makes sure the signal-”

“Alright, alright, spare me the details, please.”

Walter finally did as he told and simply picked up his phone. 

Lance only heard one side of the conversation, which is usually mildly frustrating, but it was absolutely infuriating this time, his imagination unable to put together all the pieces within the first few sentences.

“Oh, hey, I was going to call you a bit later, I got hung up with some work stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah, oh...Really? That’s totally okay though, I was probably going to miss it too with how this mission is looking.”

“Yeah, I know! Mission! Me. Mission me, going on, yeah, I’m going on a mission, yep…” Walter spoke in a more nervous tone with each momentary wait for the other person to speak. 

“Um, yeah, actually a bit... I really am excited though, oh you know the kaleidoscope gadget, the binder bubbles, the multi-pen?! I’m going to get to try all those out, well hopefully.” What was at first a nervous novice agent speaking was now an excited scientist, just happy to get to try out his gadgets on the field. 

“Oh yeah, totally, oh my god, I didn’t even think of that. You know the flexitivity in the material I never really got a hold on so I’m so hoping it doesn’t flop.” 

“No, I just like the bubbles a lot! Like the safety hug I’m making, it’s going to be so awesome.” 

A long pause.

That’s when Walter’s face turned red. 

“Um, thank you, but, I may have another agent sitting right next to me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll call you later.”

“I love you too, bye bye.” 

“No way!” Lance suddenly shouted out, causing the brunette to accidentally hurl his phone into the air a few feet, juggling it in his hands before finally getting a firm grasp on it.

“You have a girlfriend.” The man said slyly. “She likes all that gadget talk?” 

Walter held his phone closer to his chest, his happy tone fading into a more anxious one. “No, that..Was my...Boyfriend…” His fingers clasped onto his phone tighter to keep from shaking nervously, but his legs betrayed him and started bouncing uncontrollably when he attempted to sit still. 

Oh. It took a moment for Lance to process, but it kind of was more obvious than not. What really worried him though was the amount of shaking Walter’s body was doing. “Oh, hey, man, calm down, sorry I assumed. It’s no biggie.”

“It’s totally a biggie though! You’re probably right, he probably hates all the time I try to explain my gadgets, or maybe the way I talk nervously, or who knows, maybe he doesn’t like my nose even?!” He was talking at a rapid pace, some of his ramblings unintelligible to the pigeon. 

That’s when Lovey landed onto the younger man’s shoulder, cuddling up to his face gently. 

It took the brunette a minute or two to completely calm down, his breathing began to even out before Lance even spoke again.

“Huh, I guess pigeons are pretty neat.”

Walter just smiled at Lance.

“Hey, hey, don’t look at me like that, and don’t quote me on that either, you got it?”

“Got it.”

They arrived in Mexico, Walter marveling at the large luxurious buildings around him. The genius taught the egotistical agent a thing or two about blending in. He was a pigeon, he could walk around wherever he liked. That didn’t stop Lance from making a fool of himself with all those ‘pigeon’ noises though. 

Then, while Lance was planning out what he should do in his head, Walter butted in. “So, what are we doing?” 

“We?” The pigeon laughed, shaking his little head in disbelief. “There is no ‘we’, I am going to find out where Kimura is and get him alone, okay? You just sit here on that very comfy looking couch.”

“But--I’m your wingman…”

“What--” Where did the boy even get that idea, he shook his head violently in disagreement. “You know who could use a wingman? That couch. I’ll be right back.”

Walter hung his head as Lance walked under the table, already mapping out what he was going to do--That was until he was brought into a dysfunctional pigeon flock. This made the genius happy once more, figuring out even more data that Lance could not only talk, but communicate and understand other pigeons. He was so excited he didn’t even mind being left alone. 

He was jotting down some of his discoveries that he had made about his invention while he waited for Lance before his phone rang again. It was the same cheery ringtone that echoed throughout the private jet just a bit earlier. He eagerly picked it up, wanting someone to talk to about his new discoveries. 

“Hey! What’s up?” 

“I was just checking if you were alright. I’m a bit busy, but I heard there’s some stuff happening at your workplace and I wanted to make sure.” Killian spoke from the other side of the phone, his voice calm and soothing. 

“Oh, yeah, uh totally. I- uh, was actually fired. Yeah, so I don’t really work there anymore, but I’m actually working on something right now that might help me get my job back. It’s like that disappearing thing I told you about with the pigeon transformation and everything.” He didn’t want to go into too much detail or start rambling, especially since he knew Killian was usually busy.

“Fired?” The older man went silent, leaving Walter to worry. An awkward silence overtook the phone before Killian chuckled. “Well, I know it’s not the best thing for you, but maybe you’ll find a job somewhere a bit more...Kinder? Or at least somewhere that doesn’t put you next to the toilet because you refuse to make mass killing weapons.”

When he put it like that, Walter wasn’t exactly sure he wanted his old job back, yeah, they all looked down on him and never used his inventions, never took him seriously, always ignored him, called him names--But the job itself wasn’t bad, was it? 

“I mean...Yeah...I guess.”

“But, I suppose if you like the job, and are convinced you can make a change, I won’t dissuade you. I believe in you.” It was obvious in his tone that he didn’t enjoy Walter having the job of helping agents, but he couldn’t bring himself to not encourage his partner to do what he loved. 

Walter laughed, holding his reddening face with one hand and his phone in the other. “Thanks, Killian. I love you.”

“I love you too darling, I’ve got to go, talk to you soon.”

Walter hung up the phone, going back to writing down his research when he looked over to see Lance angrily walking with the key card with his flock behind him. Walter smiled widely again, leaning over the chair.

“See? Being in a flock helped you.” He knew he’d be right.

“Not my flock.” 

Walter sent Lance off in the elevator alone by his request, but still was riddled with worry. He’d just tag behind, just in case. Good thing too, because when the pigeon was about to get crushed by an overweight yakuza arms dealer, he used the multi pen. The same setting that was used on him before he was embarrassed and fired. 

Next thing he knew, he was being pumped full of adrenaline as they (mostly him) moved the gelatinous form of Kimura. He could barely remember what happened after they jumped off of the building, most of it was just reflexes. Reflexes and lots of pain. Lots and lots of pain. Most of it being in his cranial area, which was one of the worst places to be. 

The three pursuing agents were left with the evidence of the serious string, several of their allies being hoisted and stuck to the walls by the pink substance. Even the three special agents stepped in it due to their own carelessness. 

\---

Little did any agent know what the infamous ‘robot hand’ was doing behind the scenes. Walter was no longer part of the agency, officially terminated. That meant that he was no longer in their database, or at least registered as an employee in it. That meant there was no need for adjustments like he originally planned. 

Hell, Walter could start his own agency and avoid any more incidents like Kyrgyzstan. He convinced himself the world would be safer without the agency, especially since he was informed by Walter that no other agent he had met thought like him. 

He didn’t feel guilt when he dropped the scientist off of the roof, nor when he looked down at his corpse that had been impaled and splattered across the jagged rocks below. Everything would be ready after he got the database.

“I hear Venice is wonderful this time of year…” He thought out loud, the crunching of the scientist’s glasses echoing throughout the almost empty laboratory with only the humming of the aerial killing machine and footsteps accompanying it. 

\---

They had a bit of what you could call an argument on the boat, yet there was no real yelling or anything--Just stern and sad tones that matched their, well Lance’s harsh words. Walter tried reasoning with him, tried to get him to see that bad people were just people, like them. 

Of course Lance just couldn’t understand that concept with the past he had, especially because everyone around him believed the same thing he did and congratulated him constantly for ‘defeating’ the bad guys. 

Walter was more than upset, all the motion sickness medication he was on didn’t help the feeling of discomfort either. He couldn’t figure out how to turn Lance back into a human, couldn’t figure out how to convince Lance that bad people were people too, and couldn’t get a feeling of stability even on the big ass yacht they were on. 

He put his head down on his desk while Lance walked away with his flock, Walter could hear him talking down to the other pigeons and telling them to get away from him even though he was a great distance away. Just a loud--Ugh. He tried to stop himself from thinking negatively, but Lance made it hard. 

He looked at his phone, the calls from hours ago still there on his notification feed. He should probably call Killian soon. No, three times in one day? That would be annoying. Even though Killian did call him the first two times, the older man was probably busy doing something important. 

The rest of the ride went smoothly, well, smoothly being they didn’t talk to each other the rest of the ride until they were getting on the smaller boat with lots more speed. 

“First time in Venice?”

“First time anywhere, really. It’s always been my dream to come here and feed the pigeons.” Walter spoke absentmindedly as he looked out at the amazing views all around him. 

“You need help.”

The genius awkwardly chuckled at the comment, but knew Lance didn’t mean any harm by it. 

One moment he was over analyzing playful banter with his pigeon friend, and the next he was holding both of his hands high in the air while several different high tech guns were being pointed at him. What a life he had. 

This woman tried to convince him to hand over Lance, which he would never, but she did make some good points. Everybody always mistreated him and looked down on him for trying to put good out into a world with barely any, and he had the brains to back up his morals. 

She even brought up his mother, praised her and pitied him. Of course Walter loved his mother, and sad she was gone, but she didn’t want her name to be used against him. He knew she sacrificed herself, so, that’s what he was going to do too if it came down to it. 

“Show them what you can do, and no one will ever call you weird again. You just have to give me Sterling.”

“...No. We should all be working together.”

“Bad move, Beckett.”

A high pitched ringing filled Walter’s ears as the building in front of him exploded and his hands were restrained by the woman and then released just seconds later by his pigeon partner. 

“Let’s go.”

Explosions, yelling and gunfire was the only thing he heard, running past all of the action and assuring the scary agent lady that they--No, he would take care of it because Lance was not with him once so ever. They made their way to the top of the building, where the genius had an amazing idea.

He grasped onto Lance, picking him up and holding him out. “We can’t catch this thing on foot. You’re a pigeon, Lance! One of the fastest birds in the world--”

While Walter was having his whole spiel about pigeons being fast and saying how Lance could definitely fly, the intelligent pigeon was freaking out, disagreeing. “No, put me down Walter! Wait! Boy, don’t you throw me off this -- roof!”

Watching Lance fall down off the excessively tall building, the brunette just shrugged it off. “Eh, he’ll figure it out.” With that, he found his own way down off of the crumbling structure.

He needed a vehicle to be able to keep up and help Lance with the chase, and the first one he saw running down the street was a blue moped. Of course, his homosexuality forbade him from driving it properly, especially the first time. It went up in flames, and he was forced to commandeer another moped. 

Walter has never caught anything in his sorry nerdy life, not even a stray ball or something on accident. However, when he truly needed his reflexes, they came in handy. He was in awe at the database in his hand, purely ecstatic. Lance shared the same happiness. 

“Catch of the century!”

The unstoppable pair, a pigeon agent and a twinky genius. Both of them felt like they were on the top of the world, undefeated no matter what came their way. Man, Killian wasn’t going to believe the adventure Walter had been on.

“We’re gonna talk about you throwin’ me off that roof though.”

“Yeah, I thought that would really work out better!”

“It’s cool, it’s cool, we're gonna have it out in a minute but I’m gonna let you have this moment.”

“Woo! We’re unstoppa-” It’s like a brick had hit him, his vision blurring and before he knew it he was on the cold ground with his ears ringing with an eerily familiar tone. He couldn’t register anything fast enough, but looked to his side to see the fluorescent blue light of the database. 

He needed to keep it safe. He went to reach out to it, his arms weak and aching from the impact. A robotic hand that was all too similar to one he had grown accustomed to reached out for it, picking it up in his claws before Walter could ever get his hands near it.

“Ahahah, that belongs to me.” 

It wasn’t just the hand he recognized. It wasn’t just the hand. There was no way. No, no, no. He didn’t even want to look up and confirm his theories. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, he told himself it was because he was in so much pain that his head wouldn’t move. Killian wasn’t a villain. Killian wasn’t a villain.

He finally looked up to see the man he had come to love looking at the database with a malicious smile on his face, not yet recognizing Walter. The brunette could barely get out the words through the dryness in his throat, tears welling in his eyes as he called out the man’s name.

“Killian?”

**Author's Note:**

> *BANG BANG BANG*  
> this will be like 2 or 3 chapters i promise just hjsdsad comment every so often and ill finish it but i really just need to write trollhunters mpreg and finish something else before i die  
> join our disc for pigeon cum: https://discord.gg/P3m2g2H


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